Church Renovations That Ain't Quite Right


The continuing saga of ridiculous constructions in your modern forward-thinking parish.
  1. An altar that doubles as a ping pong table for youth nights.
  2. A drum set mounted on a rising platform for the Feast of the Ascension.
  3. A pulpit, altar and lectern that recess into the floor so that the priest and liturgical dancers (or break dancers) can move about unhindered during homilies and the Offertory procession.
  4. A ceiling sprinkler system that doubles as a fire suppression system and Holy Water distribution system.
  5. Pop-up bowling pins located at the altar steps so the centre aisle can be used as a bowling lane... for youth nights.
  6. Tablet holders with power outlets and cup holders in the pews.
  7. A communion buffet so that communicants can wander past and self serve.
  8. A digital altar frontal for changing thematic backgrounds.
  9. An air conditioner built into the pulpit... for cool(er) clergy.
  10. Retractable pews and flooring to accommodate several curling lanes when the Scotties Tournament of Hearts needs additional space... or for youth activity nights. (A must for prairie folk!)
  11. Indoor rifle range for recreational use after those Texan KofC meetings.
  12. Mosaics by Rupnik.
  13. LEGO® tabernacle.
  14. A plexiglass cathedra so the bishop looks like he's hovering when seated... sort of.
  15. AstroTurf putting green sanctuary... for retirees' nights.
  16. A disco ball suspended above the altar for that shimmering effect that suggests heavenly entities circling about.
  17. Strobing track lighting lining the aisles to direct communicants forward in an orderly manner.
  18. Heated pews for those chilly winter months.
  19. Pews inscribed with text from the fourth chapter of the Song of Solomon.
  20. Rotating central sanctuary in a circular nave... for that 360° view of activities at the altar... ostensibly to facilitate "active participation".

Comments

Popular Posts

Who is Brian Holdsworth? And Why You Should Watch His Videos.

The Mandorla: Shape And Meaning

Ordinariate Gift: A Penitential Office for the Blessing of Ashes

Angelic Thrones: The Many-eyed Ones

The Solemn Rite of Betrothal in The Ordinariate

Sharing The Beauty Of Evensong In The Catholic Church

PSALM 37

Keep innocency, and take heed unto the thing that is right : for that shall bring a man peace at the last.

POPE LEO XIV

The right to freedom of expression, freedom of conscience, religious freedom, and even the right to life are being restricted in the name of other so-called new rights, with the result that the very framework of human rights is losing its vitality and creating space for force and oppression. This occurs when each right becomes self-referential, and especially when it becomes disconnected from reality, nature, and truth.

ST AUGUSTINE

The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.

SAINT PHILIP NERI

The greatness of our love of God must be tested by the desire we have of suffering for His love.

ANTONIN SCALIA

Knowledge is one thing, virtue is another; good sense is not conscience, refinement is not humility. Liberal Education makes the gentleman. It is well to be a gentleman, it is well to have a cultivated intellect, a delicate taste, a candid, equitable, dispassionate mind, a noble and courteous bearing in the conduct of life. These are the natural qualities of a large knowledge, they are the objects of a university. But they are no guarantee for sanctity of even for conscientiousness; they may attach to the man of the world, to the profligate, to the heartless.

MARCUS AURELIUS

There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.

MARK TWAIN

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.