You know you're a REAL altar server when... .

1. In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat.
2. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees.
3. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent.
4. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach.
5. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building.
6. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress.
7. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees.
8. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom.
9. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading.
10. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading.
11. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one drop of wax or lighting your hair on fire.
12. You're tempted to play table tennis with a chin paten... but you don't.
13. You're tempted to drink the wine remaining in the cruet after Mass... but you don't.
14. You're serving as boat bearer and you don't flinch when the searing hot thurible grazes your hand.
15. You know the server's vesting prayers by heart... in English and Latin... forwards and backwards.
16. You can say the Prayers at the Foot - both the priest's parts and the servers' parts - in under thirty seconds.
17. You're not thinking about that soccer game with friends, that you're missing, because you're happy serving Mass.

BONUS ITEM: Altar Servers' Chant

Sung to the chorus of "We Are Family"

We serve happily.

Cotta and a cassock for me.

We serve happily.

Genuflect when Sanctus bells ring.