WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE
I doubt not then but innocence shall make false accusation blush, and tyranny tremble at patience.
You know you're a REAL altar server when... .
- In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat.
- Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees.
- You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent.
- You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach.
- You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building.
- You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress.
- You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees.
- You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom.
- You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading.
- You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading.
- As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one drop of wax or lighting your hair on fire.
- You're tempted to play table tennis with a chin paten... but you don't.
- You're tempted to drink the wine remaining in the cruet after Mass... but you don't.
- You're serving as boat bearer and you don't flinch when the searing hot thurible grazes your hand.
- You know the server's vesting prayers by heart... in English and Latin... forwards and backwards.
- You can say the Prayers at the Foot - both the priest's parts and the servers' parts - in under thirty seconds.
- You're not thinking about that soccer game with friends, that you're missing, because you're happy serving Mass.
BONUS ITEM: Altar Servers' Chant
Sung to the chorus of "We Are Family"
We serve happily.
Cotta and a cassock for me.
We serve happily.
Genuflect when Sanctus bells ring.
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POPE LEO XIV Magnifica Humanitas
Even in the darkest nights, the Lord raises up men and women who refuse to give up, who persevere in doing good, who protect the vulnerable and open pathways to reconciliation. The memory of the saints, righteous people and the oft-forgotten peacemakers, show us that grace does not magically eliminate conflict, but instead it inspires active resistance to evil and an astonishing creativity in doing good” (paragraph 211).
THOMAS SOWELL
Ours may become the first civilization destroyed, not by the power of our enemies, but by the ignorance of our teachers and the dangerous nonsense they are teaching our children. In an age of artificial intelligence, they are creating artificial stupidity.
MAYA ANGELOU
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.
PSALM 6
Depart from me, all you workers of evil; for the Lord has heard the sound of my weeping. The Lord has heard my supplication; the Lord accepts my prayer. All my enemies shall be ashamed and sorely troubled; they shall turn back, and be put to shame in a moment.
WORDS TO THE WHYS
Fear not the chatter of the insane who derive pleasure from sowing malice; for their portion is the pit of hell.
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