You Know You're In A Progressive Catholic Parish When... .

... you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases.

1. "Party like it's A.D. 1570!"
2. "We should sing more plainchant at this parish."
3. "I'd like to thank the choir for their sublime rendition of the Mass For Five Voices by William Byrd."
4. "I just love the way the four torchbearers process in with such dignity."
5. "People treat the Host like a snack. I think it's time we went back to communion on the tongue."
6. "My entire family goes to Confession every week."
7. "We need a central Tabernacle on the altar."
8. "The altar servers' lace cottas are so beautiful."
9. "I just love Father Steve's sermons about the Real Presence and living a Eucharistic life."
10. "People are leaving in droves for Saint Pius X Parish and the reverent Mass there. Do you think we're doing something wrong here at Harvey Milk Parish?"
11. "I'm thrilled that the design for the new church includes a choir loft."
12. "Let's commission a mosaic from Marko Rupnik." (Well... okay. The news may have yet to reach some ears.)
13. "Those massive video displays either side of the sanctuary are a little distracting. Maybe it's time that we remove them so we can concentrate on praying and directing our attention to the altar."
14. "I'd like to introduce our nine children... Peter, Joseph, Anne, Mary, Michael, Jacinta, Raphael, Teresa and Elizabeth."
15. "I heard the Bishop is visiting next Sunday and saying Mass ad orientem."
16. "I'm so glad we're kneeling for Holy Communion."
17. "We have eight young men from our parish in seminary formation."
18. "Every evening after dinner our family prays a decade of the Rosary together."
19. "My favourite setting of the Gloria is from Missa IV Cunctipotens Genitor Deus."
20. "The parish library just acquired a copy of Bishop Athanasius Schneider's latest book."
21. "We just started two additional Natural Family Planning classes because we had so many couples sign up."

Conversely, you know you're in a Traditional Latin Mass parish because you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases.

1. "I'm really looking forward to the next banjo Mass."
2. "Could you play the organ with more vibrato?"
3. "Can we sing some more David Haas songs?"
4. "I demand to receive Holy Communion in the hand."
5. "I wish there were more Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion."
6. "Party like it's 1975!"
7. "I just love the Missa Gaia/Earth Mass setting."
8. "A blast from the fog machine is a nice touch at the start of the Canon of the Mass."
9. "We should hold hands during the Our Father."
10. "Aren't Father's polyester rainbow vestments gorgeous?"
11. "Tonight our family is watching Godspell on Netflix."
12. "Those guitars are so out of tune."
13. "Did you see Father Wheeler on his hoverboard at last Sunday's Mass? The homily was so rad!"
14. "The LED votive lights are a nice touch."
15. "I hear the parish council replaced the statue of Our Lady of Lourdes with a statue of Taylor Swift to attract young people to Mass."
16. "Father, is it possible to have Eucharistic Prayer II at Sunday Masses?"
17. "I was reading in the National Catholic Reporter that... ."
18. "Everyone seems pleased with the new glass tabernacle."
19. "We need some felt banners and balloons for the Corpus Christi procession."
20. "T-shirts and jeans will be the new altar server vestments."
21. "Don't you just love the way Hilda rehearses the congregation for ten minutes before Mass to encourage active participation?"