WORDS TO THE WHYS

In an age of artificial intelligence, too many of our schools and colleges are producing artificial stupidity. Thomas Sowell

Churchy Churchiness: purposefully reproposing words for parochial purposes.

  1. Novice Ordo Missay: a misspoken line only a novice would make.
  2. Crucifur: crucifer arm hair; see also - fire hazard.
  3. Sacramentalist: psychic altar server who can anticipate liturgical needs.
  4. Jesuit: see protestant.
  5. Synod (sin+nod): assent to sin.
  6. Fast: how quickly some people give up Mass for Lent.
  7. Thurifur: thurifer arm hair; see also - fire hazard.
  8. Boat Buoy: floatation device for the Barque of Peter.*
  9. Choir Director: see pope.
  10. Pope: see choir director.
  11. Walsingham: site of a major shrine; not to be confused with a dancing pig (waltzing ham).
  12. Nonsense: cheap incense unfit for Catholic liturgy.
  13. Casshock: a tawdry or tattered cassock.
  14. Alp: high church alb.
  15. Maff: awkward liturgy; High Maff: very awkward liturgy.
  16. 1962 Missile Romanum: liturgical object that causes heterodox prelates to freak out.
  17. "Between a Roche and a hard place": liturgical twilight zone.
  18. Collect: prayer favoured by church fundraisers and financial committees.
  19. Biretta: clergyman's weapon of choice.
  20. Credence table: liturgical buffet.
*Westcoast Canadian pronunciation: boy.

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