Churchy Churchiness: purposefully reproposing words for parochial purposes.

-

  1. Novice Ordo Missay: a misspoken line only a novice would make.
  2. Crucifur: crucifer arm hair; see also - fire hazard.
  3. Sacramentalist: psychic altar server who can anticipate liturgical needs.
  4. Jesuit: see protestant.
  5. Synod (sin+nod): assent to sin.
  6. Fast: how quickly some people give up Mass for Lent.
  7. Thurifur: thurifer arm hair; see also - fire hazard.
  8. Boat Buoy: floatation device for the Barque of Peter.*
  9. Choir Director: see pope.
  10. Pope: see choir director.
  11. Walsingham: site of a major shrine; not to be confused with a dancing pig (waltzing ham).
  12. Nonsense: cheap incense unfit for Catholic liturgy.
  13. Casshock: a tawdry or tattered cassock.
  14. Alp: high church alb.
  15. Maff: awkward liturgy; High Maff: very awkward liturgy.
  16. 1962 Missile Romanum: liturgical object that causes heterodox prelates to freak out.
  17. "Between a Roche and a hard place": liturgical twilight zone.
  18. Collect: prayer favoured by church fundraisers and financial committees.
  19. Biretta: clergyman's weapon of choice.
  20. Credence table: liturgical buffet.
*Westcoast Canadian pronunciation: boy.

Comments

Post a Comment

Your comments will be appreciated and posted if 1) they are on topic and 2) preserve decorum.

Stand by your word. Do not be anonymous. Use a pseudonym.

Popular Posts

Life At The Altar Rail: 22 Behaviours Categorized

-
Image
Cantius/NLM [ 4 min read ] Some communicants make things interesting (...tricky, delicate, awkward, awesome...) at The Communion. Now don't get the wrong idea. Spoofing one's brothers' and sisters' behaviour is not meant to be proof of one's own moral or spiritual superiority. There's always a need to keep in mind the heart of another when lampooning (or celebrating) the externals, as curious or as laudable as those externals might be. The Moving Target: either the head or the tongue is moving a mile a minute. A good patener knows how to tame the fidget. See also #18: The Rubberneck. The Obstacle Course: fingertips touching the chin or mouth making it difficult for the patener to place the paten beneath the chin. The Curtain: face is completely covered with a veil. The NOFB (Not Open For Business): closed eyes, closed mouth; despite the need for a gentle prompt, typically a deeply reverent person. The Taker: wants to steal the Host from the priest. Note to commu...
Read more

You Know You're In A Progressive Catholic Parish When... .

-
Image
... you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases. "Party like it's A.D. 1570!" "We should sing more plainchant at this parish." "I'd like to thank the choir for their sublime rendition of the Mass For Five Voices by William Byrd." "I just love the way the four torchbearers process in with such dignity." "People treat the Host like a snack. I think it's time we went back to communion on the tongue." "My entire family goes to Confession every week." "We need a central Tabernacle on the altar." "The altar servers' lace cottas are so beautiful." "I just love Father Steve's sermons about the Real Presence and living a Eucharistic life." "People are leaving in droves for Saint Pius X Parish and the reverent Mass there. Do you think we're doing something wrong here at Harvey Milk Parish?" "I'm thrilled that the design for the new church includes a choir loft....
Read more

Review: Saint Gregory's Prayer Book

-
Image
Two copies of the St. Gregory's Prayer Book (SGPB) arrived a few days ago. It is a lovely work replete with beautiful devotions drawn from the English Patrimony. Both Ordinariate and diocesan Catholics would do well to acquire a copy to access its riches. The SGPB is "a collaborative venture" of the three personal ordinariates and the Anglicanorum Coetibus Society . A blurb from the Ignatius Press site where one can go to purchase copies: https://www.ignatius.com/St-Gregorys-Prayer-Book-P3228.aspx The St Gregory's Prayer Book is a beautifully produced leatherette prayer book compiled by the Ordinariates established by Pope Benedict XVI and drawing on the riches of the Anglican liturgical heritage and the exquisite Cranmerian language of the Book of Common Prayer to further enrich the panoply of Catholic liturgy and devotion. The text includes ancient English collects, introits and hymns available together for the first time for the whole Church...
Read more

You know you're a REAL altar server when... .

-
Image
In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one dr...
Read more

TRUE PARTICIPATION IN THE MASS

"I was gathered into the offering of the Son to the Father. I participated in the self-offering of God today."

FEATURED SCRIPTURE | Revelation 8:1-5

When the Lamb opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour. Then I saw the seven angels who stand before God, and seven trumpets were given to them. And another angel came and stood at the altar with a golden censer; and he was given much incense to mingle with the prayers of all the saints upon the golden altar before the throne; and the smoke of the incense rose with the prayers of the saints from the hand of the angel before God. Then the angel took the censer and filled it with fire from the altar and threw it on the earth; and there were peals of thunder, loud noises, flashes of lightning, and an earthquake.

FEATURED QUOTE

Without a moral framework, there is nothing left but immediate self-indulgence by some and the path of least resistance by others. Neither can sustain a free society. | Thomas Sowell