WORDS TO THE WHYS

The truth will make you odd. Flannery O’Connor

For In-Choiring Minds: What Altos Know.

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2026 AIC1

Don’t read too much into this little dive into stereotypes. Still, someone with a knack for reading between the lines might spot an analogy or two with other domains of the Church—beyond the choir loft—like the sanctuary, the pews, the parish council, and so on. Roles may differ, but we are one body. One—that is—when grafted (joined, wed and aligned) to Jesus and His Church.

Disclaimer
For the record, the prompt for the first image was “create an SATB choir depicting the singers in a stereotypical way.” At first, the AI produced two images. Then it added a conductor and suggested rendering the image in a Baroque style, which resulted in a third image. Why the conductor was included? Who can say? A rogue AI moment?
The rehearsal begins.

Conductor
Let’s start at measure 47. Sopranos, you have the melody. Altos, you have the countermelody. Tenors, you have… (looks at the score) …whatever this is. And basses, you have a whole note. Enjoy.

Bass
A whole note is a lifestyle.

Tenor
Wait, do I come in on beat two or beat three?

Alto
You come in when the spirit moves you. It’s worked so far.

Conductor
No. He comes in on beat two. Please. For the love of Palestrina.

They sing. Chaos ensues.
The soprano soars.
The alto sings the correct notes with suspicious ease.
The tenor enters on beat three.
The bass enters on beat… a philosophical pause.

Conductor
Stop. Stop! Stop!!

(collects himself)

Let’s try again. Tenor, beat two. Bass, beat one. Soprano, please don’t ascend into the stratosphere unless marked. Alto… keep doing whatever sorcery you’re doing.

Alto
It’s called reading the music.

Soprano
I am reading the music. I’m just reading it… aspirationally.

Final attempt
They sing again. It is imperfect, but mostly recognizable.

Conductor
Yes! That’s it! That’s almost it! That’s adjacent to it!

Bass
Adjacent is good.

Tenor
Adjacent feels safe.

Alto
Adjacent is the best we’ve ever done.

Soprano
I still think my high B‑flat would improve it.

Conductor
No.

2026 AIC3

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