The Solemn Rite of Betrothal in The Ordinariate
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| St John Henry Newman, Victoria, BC | Betrothal Rite |
The Ordinariate is blessed with a patrimonial treasure of tremendous beauty and goodness. The Solemn Rite of Betrothal might be familiar to more than a few Anglicans. It is a beautiful gift that helps couples enter more fully into their emerging communion in Christ and provides an acknowledgement of the path ahead, ornamented with avenues through which a couple may dispose themselves to God's grace.
Betrothal
betroth (v.) | Online Etymology Dictionary
c. 1300, betrouthen, "to promise to marry (a woman)," from be-, here probably with a sense of "thoroughly," + Middle English treowðe "truth," from Old English treowðe "truth, a pledge". It is attested from 1560s as "contract to give (a woman) in marriage to another, affiance." Middle English also had a verb truth (treuthen) "become betrothed" (c. 1300).
-al
suffix forming nouns of action from verbs, mostly from Latin and French, meaning "act of ______ing" (such as survival, referral), Middle English -aille, from French feminine singular -aille, from Latin -alia, neuter plural of adjective suffix -alis, also used in English as a noun suffix. Nativized in English and used with Germanic verbs (as in bestowal, betrothal).
Except the Lord build the house... .
Keeping God at the centre of one's life, at the centre of a union, is essential for a union to be a permanent, fruitful and faithful partnership. Unless a couple is oriented to that understanding through prayer and practice, their union will be subject to distractions that can metastasize and lead to an uncontrollable destruction of trust and loss of intimacy. The health of a marriage relies on shared prayer, commitment to the good of one's spouse, and the necessary exercise of forgiveness and loving kindness.
For couples approaching a decision, it may be useful to meditate on the Rite separately as individuals or together, to sit with the text, and to acknowledge how God is speaking to you.
- How does the text touch you? Does a part of the Rite resonate with you in any way?
- In what way(s) does the Rite bring to mind familiar attributes of your relationship?
- Is Jesus Christ at the heart of your relationship?
- Say the words of the Rite aloud, especially the section when the priest bids you to join hands. Pay attention to how you connect to those words. How do those words sit with you? Do you have any accompanying thoughts as you say those words?
THE SOLEMN RITE OF BETROTHAL
(Courtesy of St. John Henry Newman, Victoria, BC)
The Priest meets the couple, with their witnesses, at the Altar rail.
Antiphon | Unto the Lord, I will make my promise, in the sight of all his people, even in the courts of the Lord’s house.
Psalm 127 | EXCEPT the LORD build the house, their labour is but lost that build it. Except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. It is but lost labour that ye haste to rise up early, and so late take rest, and eat the bread of carefulness; for so he giveth his beloved sleep. Lo, children and the fruit of the womb are an heritage and gift that cometh of the LORD. Like as the arrows in the hand of the giant, even so are the young children. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.
Glory be. Ant. Unto the Lord….
The Priest now addresses the couple with the Bidding Prayer.
DEARLY beloved in Christ, N. and N.: Forasmuch as you both have prayerfully discerned that you are called to the honourable estate and sacred vocation of Holy Matrimony, hence you present yourselves today before Christ and his Church, in the presence of his minister and the devout people of God, to ratify in solemn manner the engagement bespoken between you. At the same time, you entreat the blessing of the Church upon your proposal, as well as the earnest supplications of the faithful here present, since you fully realize that what has been inspired and guided by the will of your heavenly Father requires equally his grace to be brought to a happy fulfilment. We are confident that you have given serious and prayerful deliberation to your pledge of wedlock; moreover, that you have sought counsel from your families and from the superiors whom God has placed over you. In the time that intervenes, you will prepare for the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony by a period of virtuous courtship, so that when the happy and blessed day arrives for you to give yourselves irrevocably each to the other, you will have laid a sound spiritual foundation for long years of godly prosperity on earth and eventual blessedness together in the life to come. May the union you purpose one day to consummate as man and wife be found worthy verily to be a sacramental image and reality of the union betwixt Christ and his beloved Bride, the Church. This grant, thou who livest and reignest, ever one God, world without end. R. Amen.
The Priest now bids the couple to join their right hands, whilst they say:
The man: In the Name of our Lord, I, N.N., promise that I will in the fulness of time take thee, N.N., as my wedded wife, according to the ordinances of God and holy Church. I will love thee even as myself. I will keep faith and loyalty to thee, and so in all thy needs will I aid and comfort thee; which things and all that a man ought to do unto his espoused I promise to do unto thee and to keep by the faith that is in me.
The woman: In the Name of our Lord, I, N.N., in the form and manner wherein thou hast promised thyself unto me, do declare and affirm that I will in the fulness of time bind and oblige myself unto thee, and will take thee, N.N., as my wedded husband. And all that thou hast pledged unto me I promise to do and keep unto thee, by the faith that is in me.
COMMENTARY | A joining of one's hands: The right hand is often associated with virtue and honor, and the joining of hands represents the couple's willingness to offer themselves to each other and to freely enter into the marriage and the joining of their lives together.
Then the Priest takes the ends of his stole and in the form of a cross places them over the clasped hands of the couple, and says:
I bear witness of your solemn proposal and I declare you betrothed. In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. R. Amen.
He sprinkles them with holy water. He then blesses the ring, first saying:
Our help is in the Name of the Lord.R. Who hath made heaven and earth.
O Lord, hear my prayer.
R. And let my cry come unto thee.
The Lord be with you.
R. And with thy spirit.
Extending his hands over the heads of the couple, he then gives this blessing:
Let us pray.
The giving of one's troth — that is, one's true faith or promise. Betrothal, in the Catholic Church, is a deliberate and free, mutual, true promise, externally expressed, of future marriage between determinate and fit persons. It is a promise, compact, or agreement — not merely an intention; and, like all contracts, it must be entered into with deliberation proportionate to the obligation which it begets; it must be free from force, substantial error, and grave fear. The promise given must be mutual; a promise on the part of one only, with acceptance by the other, does not constitute a betrothal. The consent, of course, as in all contracts, must be true, or sincere, not feigned; it must be given with the intention of binding oneself, and this intention must be expressed verbally, by writing, or by action, in person or by proxy. Lastly, this contract, like matrimony, can exist only between two definite persons whose capacity is recognized by the Church; that is, between whom there is no matrimonial impediment, either as regards the licitness or validity of the contract. The betrothal is a promise of future marriage, and hence it differs from the marriage contract itself, which deals with that state as in the present.
At the heart of betrothal is truth: being true with God, with oneself and with one's beloved. Without truth there cannot be trust. Trust is truth enacted with charity, with concern for the good of the other.
May the union you purpose one day to consummate as man and wife be found worthy verily to be a sacramental image and reality of the union betwixt Christ and his beloved Bride, the Church.
The ability to trust is greatly assisted by one's dedication to the sacraments, eminently so regarding the Sacrament of Penance, which helps to expose one's own faults and affirm the need for mercy and for forgiveness. Confession provides the penitent an opportunity to gain objectivity about one's character and how to adapt and better communicate, which serves the communion of persons.
The Penitential Rite of Divine Worship (DW:TM), i.e., the Mass of the Personal Ordinariates, beautifully allows one to refocus, to seek God's mercy, to acknowledge one's need for God's grace to overcome pettiness so that one is not dragged down nor dragging others down into misery.
Excerpt | Have mercy upon us, have mercy upon us, most merciful Father; for thy Son our Lord Jesus Christ’s sake, forgive us all that is past; and grant that we may ever hereafter serve and please thee in newness of life, to the honour and glory of thy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. | DW:TM Conclusion of the Almighty God
Marriage through the lenses of different cultures and religions. In countless instances viewable online in news reports, women are still reduced to chattel to be bartered with and traded for some deranged benefit. Despite 2000 years of Christian teaching, integral human relationships continue to suffer greatly. There is still much work to be done to share the Gospel to liberate cultures and societies from the tyranny of false doctrines such as utilitarianism, hedonism, licentiousness, radical feminism, etc., that reduce human beings to caricatures of their true nature and potential.
Ratify in solemn manner the engagement bespoken.
In the Catholic Church, betrothal, or engagement, is a morally binding contract and promise of future marriage. It's a formal step towards marriage, often marked by a ceremony that blesses the union and prepares the couple for their future life together.
Whilst preparation for marriage follows an engagement, a Solemn Rite of Betrothal, in which the couple present themselves to ‘ratify in solemn manner the engagement bespoken’, is requested of the Pastor. Betrothal is a more formal commitment than an engagement, which signifies intention to marry, whereas betrothal is a more serious contractual promise to marry.
The rite, performed either publicly or in private, involves the man and woman promising before witnesses and the Church to wed, the blessing of the engagement ring and the couple, and the solemn bestowing of the ring to the fiancée. This liturgical formula anticipates the Rite of Holy Matrimony. | SJHN Victoria, BC
While not a sacrament itself, the Rite of Betrothal provides a way to foster openness in couples to receive the graces that God offers and which strengthen a couple's commitment.
(Y)ou entreat the blessing of the Church upon your proposal, as well as the earnest supplications of the faithful here present, since you fully realize that what has been inspired and guided by the will of your heavenly Father requires equally his grace to be brought to a happy fulfilment.
The Beauty and Goodness of God's Creation
Genesis 1:26-31 | Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. And God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, a sixth day.
The four goods of marriage are partnership, permanence, fidelity, and fruitfulness. These goods are not merely aims of marriage but are essential aspects of what defines it.
Partnership
Marriage is a covenant between two individuals, a partnership where they share their lives, joys, and responsibilities.
Permanence
Marriage is intended to be a lifelong union, a commitment that endures through times of joy and hardship.
Fidelity
Spouses are called to be faithful to one another, both physically and emotionally, in their love and commitment.
Fruitfulness
Marriage is open to the possibility of having children, contributing to the continuation of human life and the growth of the family.
Ask and ye shall receive (St Matthew 7:7-8)
God makes available to a couple graces unique to the married state. Each of the preceding goods can be the subject of a prayer requesting a grace to help an individual grow in love for his or her spouse. The grace of God is available to help each person fulfill the vows of marriage, to will the good of the other, and to help oneself and one's spouse grow in holiness.
Heavenly Father, please help me with thy grace to understand the needs of [name of spouse] so that I may be a supportive and faithful partner for her/him, for I love her/him and I want her/him to flourish; in Jesus' Name. Amen.
At the heart of any true relationship is trust. The power of trust to bind together in hope and love and to free a person is keenly felt when trust is reciprocated and fulfilled. The power of trust is also keenly felt when it is tested and broken. When trust is broken or absent, confusion, doubt, wrath and chaos can consume a person and a couple.
If forgiveness and mercy are woven into a couple's life, then difficult moments can be transcended and overcome and a couple can recover and even exceed their initial attraction. They need but continually ask God for the grace to seek the good of the other, and to avoid taking oneself so seriously that one is blinded by selfishness and/or self righteousness.
Gratitude
Lord Jesus, we thank You for the gift of my spouse, [spouse's name]. May You bless our marriage with Your love and grace, so that we may grow closer to You and to each other. Help us to love, forgive, and support one another in all things, especially during difficult times. May we always be a source of strength and joy for each other, reflecting Your love in our home. Grant us patience, understanding, and a willingness to see the best in each other. Amen.
Prayer expresses gratitude for one's spouse, seeks God's blessing on the marriage, and asks for guidance in strengthening the relationship. One's prayer may include specific requests for forgiveness, patience, and mutual love.
In the Solemn Rite of Betrothal, one is confronted with the truth of God's design for the union of a man and a woman. In the present era, people are frequently deaf or ignorant to the profundity and possibilities of such a union. It is understandable, though sadly evident, that many couples have little or no idea about the artfulness of marriage.
The Rite orients couples to the reality of the true nature of love. Love is sacrificial, not merely a series of compromises that flatten out personalities nor some trite attachment subject to the whims of hedonists. Rather, sacrificial love brings harmony out of dissonance, generates joys hardly imaginable until, for example, a child is born and one looks into that child's eyes and sees the mystery of love manifest.
Angels Dance
The expression "angels dance" acknowledges a celebration and the beauty of married love and authentic human intimacy. A couple's act of making love is not just a physical experience but also a spiritual one. The intimacy shared by a couple married in Christ is a sacred and divine act. The phrase "angels dance" hints at the divine Presence and blessing associated with this sacred union.
And as thou didst send thy Angel Raphael to Tobias and Sara, the daughter of Raguel, to their great comfort; so vouchsafe to send thy blessing upon these thy servants, that they obeying thy will, preparing their hearts, and always being in safety under thy protection, may abide in thy love unto their life’s end, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Tobit 12:11-18 | “I will not conceal anything from you. I have said, ‘It is good to guard the secret of a king, but gloriously to reveal the works of God.’ And so, when you and your daughter-in-law Sarah prayed, I brought a reminder of your prayer before the Holy One; and when you buried the dead, I was likewise present with you. When you did not hesitate to rise and leave your dinner in order to go and lay out the dead, your good deed was not hidden from me, but I was with you. So now God sent me to heal you and your daughter-in-law Sarah. I am Raphael, one of the seven holy angels who present the prayers of the saints and enter into the presence of the glory of the Holy One.”They were both alarmed; and they fell upon their faces, for they were afraid. But he said to them, “Do not be afraid; you will be safe. But praise God for ever. For I did not come as a favor on my part, but by the will of our God. Therefore praise him for ever.
The maxim comes to mind: "The family that prays together stays together (Fr. Patrick Peyton)." And Saint (Mother) Teresa of Calcutta: “From the first day of your life together as husband and wife, pray together. For the family that prays together stays together in love, peace and unity.”
Character
One is greatly aided in his or her ability to be open to God's grace when he or she demands honesty of himself or herself. Therefore, a daily examination of conscience is eminently practical, an essential therapy for one to avoid a blinding pride which can prevent one from seeing the obstacles one may be creating, obstacles that one puts in the way of God giving him or her peace.
Virtuous courtship. Is that some outmoded relic from medieval times? Courtship acknowledges the seriousness and unique beauty of human relationships. Human beings should not act nor treat each other like disposable commodities.
Cohabitation, if reliable statistics have anything to say, predicts a high rate of divorce and relationship dissatisfaction.
- The Truth About Cohabitation | https://charlestondiocese.org/cohabitation/
- Those who cohabited before engagement (43.1%) reported lower marital satisfaction, dedication, and confidence as well as more negative communication and greater proneness for divorce than those who cohabited only after engagement (16.4%) or not at all until marriage (40.5%). | LINK to STUDY
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