For the truly mad are those souls devoured with ambition, while the faithful and loyal are called fools. Anthony Esolen
20 Oddities Discontinued In The Converting Catholic Parish
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| EMDHC with Chalice |
- The Thurible Toss. An annual fundraiser and competition to audition potential thurifers. An opportunity for parishes and/or altar servers to one-up each other.
- Chips & Dip. Communion hosts and salsa. Wrong! Just wrong!
- The Puppet Show. Click on the following link... if you dare. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh_nqtp3VrU
- The Sung Homily. A (deleted) scene from "Mass - the Musical".
- The Waterproof Chapel Veil. A stylish plastic tarp for those drenching moments when the priest casts a torrent of rain during the Asperges.
- Liturgical Binoculars... to enable parishioners to zoom in on the liturgical actions. Unfortunately, they were often used to admire fellow parishioners.
- The Liturgical Straw. Once-upon-a-time there actually was a straw used during Mass! The fistula (variously called calamo, cannula, arundo, calamus, pipa, pugillaris, sipho or sumptorium) is a metal drinking straw used in the Roman Rite to receive the Blood of Christ in Holy Communion (WP). https://www.liturgicalartsjournal.com/2020/04/eucharistic-utensils.html
- The Chorus Line. A zipline from the choir loft to the altar rail for chorister communicants. Return by way of the stairs.
- EMDHC (Extraordinary Mechanical Device of Holy Communion). Holy Communion by delivery drone. NO!
- Virtual Reality Communion Goggles (VRCGs)... for that up-close and quasi-interactive experience... given that the germaphobic communicant makes an act of spiritual communion instead of actually receiving the Precious Body and Blood of Christ.
- Microfibre altar linens and vestments. In three designs: tartan (using a pattern designed by the least artistic member of a parish council); corderoy; and camouflage.
- "Homegrown" Incense. Likely to have been employed in places such as Jamaica, Colorado, and the Diocese of Victoria, BC.
- The Elysium Fog Machine. Unfortunately, still popular during Masses at certain liturgical education conferences.
- The Hydraulic Lift Altar Platform. A raisable (risible?) predella so that everyone without binoculars or VRCGs can view the Canon of the Mass without straining their necks.
- The Water Slide Baptismal Font. Discontinued due to injuries.
- The Liturgical Support Animal. Discontinued due to awkward cleanup issues.
- The Massage Kneeler. People were kneeling for the wrong reason.
- The Lava Lamp Sanctuary Light. The wrong kind of relic for a church.
- Rupnik Mosaics. Enough said.
- The blessings of "couples in irregular situations and same-sex couples." We can only hope and pray that a future pope will reassert the orthodox teaching of the 2021 Responsum of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to a dubium regarding the blessing of the unions of persons of the same sex (i.e., 'no!' to such things), and consign the heretical assertion contained in Fiducia Supplicans to lasting oblivion. Note to a future conclave: do not elect another South American Jesuit to the Throne of Peter.
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PSALM 37
Keep innocency, and take heed unto the thing that is right : for that shall bring a man peace at the last.
POPE LEO XIV
The right to freedom of expression, freedom of conscience, religious freedom, and even the right to life are being restricted in the name of other so-called new rights, with the result that the very framework of human rights is losing its vitality and creating space for force and oppression. This occurs when each right becomes self-referential, and especially when it becomes disconnected from reality, nature, and truth.
ST AUGUSTINE
The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.
SAINT PHILIP NERI
The greatness of our love of God must be tested by the desire we have of suffering for His love.
ANTONIN SCALIA
Knowledge is one thing, virtue is another; good sense is not conscience, refinement is not humility. Liberal Education makes the gentleman. It is well to be a gentleman, it is well to have a cultivated intellect, a delicate taste, a candid, equitable, dispassionate mind, a noble and courteous bearing in the conduct of life. These are the natural qualities of a large knowledge, they are the objects of a university. But they are no guarantee for sanctity of even for conscientiousness; they may attach to the man of the world, to the profligate, to the heartless.
ANONYMOUS
One can be certain that when one is judged by mediocrity, that is, by someone or persons holding to standards beneath the dignity of man, that one will be accused of harassment for merely suggesting that people live up to their potential.
MARCUS AURELIUS
There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.
BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom.
MARK TWAIN
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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