20 Oddities Discontinued In The Converting Catholic Parish
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| EMDHC with Chalice |
- The Thurible Toss. An annual fundraiser and competition to audition potential thurifers. An opportunity for parishes and/or altar servers to one-up each other.
- Chips & Dip. Communion hosts and salsa. Wrong! Just wrong!
- The Puppet Show. Click on the following link... if you dare. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh_nqtp3VrU
- The Sung Homily. A (deleted) scene from "Mass - the Musical".
- The Waterproof Chapel Veil. A stylish plastic tarp for those drenching moments when the priest casts a torrent of rain during the Asperges.
- Liturgical Binoculars... to enable parishioners to zoom in on the liturgical actions. Unfortunately, they were often used to admire fellow parishioners.
- The Liturgical Straw. Once-upon-a-time there actually was a straw used during Mass! The fistula (variously called calamo, cannula, arundo, calamus, pipa, pugillaris, sipho or sumptorium) is a metal drinking straw used in the Roman Rite to receive the Blood of Christ in Holy Communion (WP). https://www.liturgicalartsjournal.com/2020/04/eucharistic-utensils.html
- The Chorus Line. A zipline from the choir loft to the altar rail for chorister communicants. Return by way of the stairs.
- EMDHC (Extraordinary Mechanical Device of Holy Communion). Holy Communion by delivery drone. NO!
- Virtual Reality Communion Goggles (VRCGs)... for that up-close and quasi-interactive experience... given that the germaphobic communicant makes an act of spiritual communion instead of actually receiving the Precious Body and Blood of Christ.
- Microfibre altar linens and vestments. In three designs: tartan (using a pattern designed by the least artistic member of a parish council); corderoy; and camouflage.
- "Homegrown" Incense. Likely to have been employed in places such as Jamaica, Colorado, and the Diocese of Victoria, BC.
- The Elysium Fog Machine. Unfortunately, still popular during Masses at certain liturgical education conferences.
- The Hydraulic Lift Altar Platform. A raisable (risible?) predella so that everyone without binoculars or VRCGs can view the Canon of the Mass without straining their necks.
- The Water Slide Baptismal Font. Discontinued due to injuries.
- The Liturgical Support Animal. Discontinued due to awkward cleanup issues.
- The Massage Kneeler. People were kneeling for the wrong reason.
- The Lava Lamp Sanctuary Light. The wrong kind of relic for a church.
- Rupnik Mosaics. Enough said.
- The blessings of "couples in irregular situations and same-sex couples." We can only hope and pray that a future pope will reassert the orthodox teaching of the 2021 Responsum of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith to a dubium regarding the blessing of the unions of persons of the same sex (i.e., 'no!' to such things), and consign the heretical assertion contained in Fiducia Supplicans to lasting oblivion. Note to a future conclave: do not elect another South American Jesuit to the Throne of Peter.
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TRUE PARTICIPATION IN THE MASS
"I was gathered into the offering of the Son to the Father. I participated in the self-offering of God today."
FEATURED SCRIPTURE | St Matthew 5:43-48
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you salute only your brethren, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the gentiles do the same? You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
THE GOLDEN ARROW
May the most holy, most sacred, most adorable, most incomprehensible and unutterable Name of God be always praised, blessed, loved, adored and glorified in Heaven, on earth, and under the earth, by all the creatures of God, and by the Sacred Heart of Our Lord Jesus Christ, in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. Amen.
FEATURED QUOTE
There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men. Marcus Aurelius
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