Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7
St. John Henry Newman is to be declared a Doctor of the Church on 1NOV2025, All Saints Day.

20 Additional Signs You Might Just Be In A(n) Heterodox Parish

-
AI generated image. Prompt: Female minister dancing on altar with incense.

  1. The Sign of Peace becomes the Dance of Peace.
  2. The tabernacle is not anywhere to be seen.
  3. There's no business like show business like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, everything the pastor will allow. Nowhere could you get that happy feeling when you are stealing that extra bow.
  4. Blessings of couples in irregular unions doesn't even come close to describing the oddities going on.
  5. The altar doubles as a billiard table that is used during meetings of the Knights of Columbus .
  6. Unsanctioned modifications to the Mass include they/them pronouns for God and the saints.
  7. The statues of Mary and Joseph have been replaced with Murray and Joseph.
  8. Traditional liturgical colors have been replaced with an alphabet soup of washed-out tints carefully selected by the Parish Equity, Diversity and Inclusivity Council.
  9. The favoured incense is Social Justice Blend... for "High" Mass.
  10. Votive and altar candles have been replaced with sparklers.
  11. Non-biblical texts - e.g., from the Koran, the writings of Kahlil Gibran, New York Times Op-Eds, excerpts from Matthew Fox's books, select speeches of George Soros - are regularly substituted for Scripture.
  12. Funerals are "celebrations of life" and, despite clear evidence of obstinate sin, eulogies are attempted canonizations of the deceased.
  13. Coffee is offered during the homily for those who didn't make it to Starbucks before Mass.
  14. Parishioners are encouraged to extend their hands toward the altar during the consecration to realize Bugnini's dream of active participation.
  15. The word 'amen' is a threat to feminist parishioners because it includes 'men' in it. Welcome to the 1980s all over again!
  16. Homilies start with an apology for injustices perpetrated against the victim-group du jour.
  17. The altar breads are exclusively non-gluten. Wrong!!!
  18. The marquee outside the church routinely displays emptied-headed messages like "Love is love".
  19. The pastor accepts texted confessions using apps called 'Con-Text' and 'Text-Appeal'.
  20. Jesus is barely mentioned by Name. A missing tabernacle and an avoidance of the Name of Jesus tend to go hand in hand.

Comments

Post a Comment

Your comments will be appreciated and posted if 1) they are on topic and 2) preserve decorum.

Stand by your word. Do not be anonymous. Use a pseudonym.

Popular Posts

Life At The Altar Rail: 22 Behaviours Categorized

-
Image
Cantius/NLM [ 4 min read ] Some communicants make things interesting (...tricky, delicate, awkward, awesome...) at The Communion. Now don't get the wrong idea. Spoofing one's brothers' and sisters' behaviour is not meant to be proof of one's own moral or spiritual superiority. There's always a need to keep in mind the heart of another when lampooning (or celebrating) the externals, as curious or as laudable as those externals might be. The Moving Target: either the head or the tongue is moving a mile a minute. A good patener knows how to tame the fidget. See also #18: The Rubberneck. The Obstacle Course: fingertips touching the chin or mouth making it difficult for the patener to place the paten beneath the chin. The Curtain: face is completely covered with a veil. The NOFB (Not Open For Business): closed eyes, closed mouth; despite the need for a gentle prompt, typically a deeply reverent person. The Taker: wants to steal the Host from the priest. Note to commu...
Read more

You Know You're In A Progressive Catholic Parish When... .

-
Image
... you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases. "Party like it's A.D. 1570!" "We should sing more plainchant at this parish." "I'd like to thank the choir for their sublime rendition of the Mass For Five Voices by William Byrd." "I just love the way the four torchbearers process in with such dignity." "People treat the Host like a snack. I think it's time we went back to communion on the tongue." "My entire family goes to Confession every week." "We need a central Tabernacle on the altar." "The altar servers' lace cottas are so beautiful." "I just love Father Steve's sermons about the Real Presence and living a Eucharistic life." "People are leaving in droves for Saint Pius X Parish and the reverent Mass there. Do you think we're doing something wrong here at Harvey Milk Parish?" "I'm thrilled that the design for the new church includes a choir loft....
Read more

Review: Saint Gregory's Prayer Book

-
Image
Two copies of the St. Gregory's Prayer Book (SGPB) arrived a few days ago. It is a lovely work replete with beautiful devotions drawn from the English Patrimony. Both Ordinariate and diocesan Catholics would do well to acquire a copy to access its riches. The SGPB is "a collaborative venture" of the three personal ordinariates and the Anglicanorum Coetibus Society . A blurb from the Ignatius Press site where one can go to purchase copies: https://www.ignatius.com/St-Gregorys-Prayer-Book-P3228.aspx The St Gregory's Prayer Book is a beautifully produced leatherette prayer book compiled by the Ordinariates established by Pope Benedict XVI and drawing on the riches of the Anglican liturgical heritage and the exquisite Cranmerian language of the Book of Common Prayer to further enrich the panoply of Catholic liturgy and devotion. The text includes ancient English collects, introits and hymns available together for the first time for the whole Church...
Read more

You know you're a REAL altar server when... .

-
Image
In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one dr...
Read more

TRUE PARTICIPATION IN THE MASS

I was gathered into the offering of the Son to the Father. I participated in the self-offering of God today.

POPE LEO XIV

Love and forgiveness are greater than any wound and stronger than any injustice.

THOMAS SOWELL

People will forgive you for being wrong, but they will never forgive you for being right—especially if events prove you right while proving them wrong.

CATHERINE DE HUECK DOHERTY

Faith walks simply, childlike, between the darkness of human life and the hope of what is to come.

G. K. CHESTERTON

To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.

MARCUS AURELIUS

There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.