20 Additional Signs You Might Just Be In A(n) Heterodox Parish
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| AI generated image. Prompt: Female minister dancing on altar with incense. |
- The Sign of Peace becomes the Dance of Peace.
- The tabernacle is not anywhere to be seen.
- There's no business like show business like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, everything the pastor will allow. Nowhere could you get that happy feeling when you are stealing that extra bow.
- Blessings of couples in irregular unions doesn't even come close to describing the oddities going on.
- The altar doubles as a billiard table that is used during meetings of the Knights of Columbus .
- Unsanctioned modifications to the Mass include they/them pronouns for God and the saints.
- The statues of Mary and Joseph have been replaced with Murray and Joseph.
- Traditional liturgical colors have been replaced with an alphabet soup of washed-out tints carefully selected by the Parish Equity, Diversity and Inclusivity Council.
- The favoured incense is Social Justice Blend... for "High" Mass.
- Votive and altar candles have been replaced with sparklers.
- Non-biblical texts - e.g., from the Koran, the writings of Kahlil Gibran, New York Times Op-Eds, excerpts from Matthew Fox's books, select speeches of George Soros - are regularly substituted for Scripture.
- Funerals are "celebrations of life" and, despite clear evidence of obstinate sin, eulogies are attempted canonizations of the deceased.
- Coffee is offered during the homily for those who didn't make it to Starbucks before Mass.
- Parishioners are encouraged to extend their hands toward the altar during the consecration to realize Bugnini's dream of active participation.
- The word 'amen' is a threat to feminist parishioners because it includes 'men' in it. Welcome to the 1980s all over again!
- Homilies start with an apology for injustices perpetrated against the victim-group du jour.
- The altar breads are exclusively non-gluten. Wrong!!!
- The marquee outside the church routinely displays emptied-headed messages like "Love is love".
- The pastor accepts texted confessions using apps called 'Con-Text' and 'Text-Appeal'.
- Jesus is barely mentioned by Name. A missing tabernacle and an avoidance of the Name of Jesus tend to go hand in hand.
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ST AUGUSTINE
The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.
From EVENSONG 22 JAN Psalm 109 Deus, laudem
HOLD not thy tongue, O God of my praise : for the mouth of the ungodly, yea, the mouth of the deceitful is opened upon me. And they have spoken against me with false tongues : they compassed me about also with words of hatred, and fought against me without a cause. For the love that I had unto them, lo, they take now my contrary part : but I give myself unto prayer. Thus have they rewarded me evil for good : and hatred for my good will. Though they curse, yet bless thou : and let them be confounded that rise up against me; but let thy servant rejoice. Let mine adversaries be clothed with shame : and let them cover themselves with their own confusion, as with a cloke. As for me, I will give great thanks unto the Lord with my mouth : and praise him among the multitude. For he shall stand at the right hand of the poor : to save his soul from the unrighteous judges.
MARCUS AURELIUS
There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.
MARK TWAIN
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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