20 Additional Signs You Might Just Be In A(n) Heterodox Parish

AI generated image. Prompt: Female minister dancing on altar with incense.

  1. The Sign of Peace becomes the Dance of Peace.
  2. The tabernacle is not anywhere to be seen.
  3. There's no business like show business like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, everything the pastor will allow. Nowhere could you get that happy feeling when you are stealing that extra bow.
  4. Blessings of couples in irregular unions doesn't even come close to describing the oddities going on.
  5. The altar doubles as a billiard table that is used during meetings of the Knights of Columbus .
  6. Unsanctioned modifications to the Mass include they/them pronouns for God and the saints.
  7. The statues of Mary and Joseph have been replaced with Murray and Joseph.
  8. Traditional liturgical colors have been replaced with an alphabet soup of washed-out tints carefully selected by the Parish Equity, Diversity and Inclusivity Council.
  9. The favoured incense is Social Justice Blend... for "High" Mass.
  10. Votive and altar candles have been replaced with sparklers.
  11. Non-biblical texts - e.g., from the Koran, the writings of Kahlil Gibran, New York Times Op-Eds, excerpts from Matthew Fox's books, select speeches of George Soros - are regularly substituted for Scripture.
  12. Funerals are "celebrations of life" and, despite clear evidence of obstinate sin, eulogies are attempted canonizations of the deceased.
  13. Coffee is offered during the homily for those who didn't make it to Starbucks before Mass.
  14. Parishioners are encouraged to extend their hands toward the altar during the consecration to realize Bugnini's dream of active participation.
  15. The word 'amen' is a threat to feminist parishioners because it includes 'men' in it. Welcome to the 1980s all over again!
  16. Homilies start with an apology for injustices perpetrated against the victim-group du jour.
  17. The altar breads are exclusively non-gluten. Wrong!!!
  18. The marquee outside the church routinely displays emptied-headed messages like "Love is love".
  19. The pastor accepts texted confessions using apps called 'Con-Text' and 'Text-Appeal'.
  20. Jesus is barely mentioned by Name. A missing tabernacle and an avoidance of the Name of Jesus tend to go hand in hand.

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PSALM 37

Keep innocency, and take heed unto the thing that is right : for that shall bring a man peace at the last.

POPE LEO XIV

The right to freedom of expression, freedom of conscience, religious freedom, and even the right to life are being restricted in the name of other so-called new rights, with the result that the very framework of human rights is losing its vitality and creating space for force and oppression. This occurs when each right becomes self-referential, and especially when it becomes disconnected from reality, nature, and truth.

ST AUGUSTINE

The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.

SAINT PHILIP NERI

The greatness of our love of God must be tested by the desire we have of suffering for His love.

ANTONIN SCALIA

Knowledge is one thing, virtue is another; good sense is not conscience, refinement is not humility. Liberal Education makes the gentleman. It is well to be a gentleman, it is well to have a cultivated intellect, a delicate taste, a candid, equitable, dispassionate mind, a noble and courteous bearing in the conduct of life. These are the natural qualities of a large knowledge, they are the objects of a university. But they are no guarantee for sanctity of even for conscientiousness; they may attach to the man of the world, to the profligate, to the heartless.

MARCUS AURELIUS

There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.

MARK TWAIN

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.