20 Additional Signs You Might Just Be In A(n) Heterodox Parish
 |
| AI generated image. Prompt: Female minister dancing on altar with incense. |
- The Sign of Peace becomes the Dance of Peace.
- The tabernacle is not anywhere to be seen.
- There's no business like show business like no business I know. Everything about it is appealing, everything the pastor will allow. Nowhere could you get that happy feeling when you are stealing that extra bow.
- Blessings of couples in irregular unions doesn't even come close to describing the oddities going on.
- The altar doubles as a billiard table that is used during meetings of the Knights of Columbus .
- Unsanctioned modifications to the Mass include they/them pronouns for God and the saints.
- The statues of Mary and Joseph have been replaced with Murray and Joseph.
- Traditional liturgical colors have been replaced with an alphabet soup of washed-out tints carefully selected by the Parish Equity, Diversity and Inclusivity Council.
- The favoured incense is Social Justice Blend... for "High" Mass.
- Votive and altar candles have been replaced with sparklers.
- Non-biblical texts - e.g., from the Koran, the writings of Kahlil Gibran, New York Times Op-Eds, excerpts from Matthew Fox's books, select speeches of George Soros - are regularly substituted for Scripture.
- Funerals are "celebrations of life" and, despite clear evidence of obstinate sin, eulogies are attempted canonizations of the deceased.
- Coffee is offered during the homily for those who didn't make it to Starbucks before Mass.
- Parishioners are encouraged to extend their hands toward the altar during the consecration to realize Bugnini's dream of active participation.
- The word 'amen' is a threat to feminist parishioners because it includes 'men' in it. Welcome to the 1980s all over again!
- Homilies start with an apology for injustices perpetrated against the victim-group du jour.
- The altar breads are exclusively non-gluten. Wrong!!!
- The marquee outside the church routinely displays emptied-headed messages like "Love is love".
- The pastor accepts texted confessions using apps called 'Con-Text' and 'Text-Appeal'.
- Jesus is barely mentioned by Name. A missing tabernacle and an avoidance of the Name of Jesus tend to go hand in hand.
Popular posts from this blog
Cantius/NLM [ 4 min read ] Some communicants make things interesting (...tricky, delicate, awkward, awesome...) at The Communion. Now don't get the wrong idea. Spoofing one's brothers' and sisters' behaviour is not meant to be proof of one's own moral or spiritual superiority. There's always a need to keep in mind the heart of another when lampooning (or celebrating) the externals, as curious or as laudable as those externals might be. The Moving Target: either the head or the tongue is moving a mile a minute. A good patener knows how to tame the fidget. See also #18: The Rubberneck. The Obstacle Course: fingertips touching the chin or mouth making it difficult for the patener to place the paten beneath the chin. The Curtain: face is completely covered with a veil. The NOFB (Not Open For Business): closed eyes, closed mouth; despite the need for a gentle prompt, typically a deeply reverent person. The Taker: wants to steal the Host from the priest. Note to commu
... you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases. "Party like it's A.D. 1570!" "We should sing more plainchant at this parish." "I'd like to thank the choir for their sublime rendition of the Mass For Five Voices by William Byrd." "I just love the way the four torchbearers process in with such dignity." "People treat the Host like a snack. I think it's time we went back to communion on the tongue." "My entire family goes to Confession every week." "We need a central Tabernacle on the altar." "The altar servers' lace cottas are so beautiful." "I just love Father Steve's sermons about the Real Presence and living a Eucharistic life." "People are leaving in droves for Saint Pius X Parish and the reverent Mass there. Do you think we're doing something wrong here at Harvey Milk Parish?" "I'm thrilled that the design for the new church includes a choir loft.
In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one dr
Elijah versus the prophets of Baal [ 4 min read ] A prophet is not without honour except... . From the Catholic Herald an article by John Lavenburg . Bishop Joseph Strickland on the “basic truths” which include: Christ established only the Catholic Church. It is (a) sacrilege for anyone to unworthily receive communion. Marriage is between one man and one woman. Every human person is created in the image and likeness of God and shouldn’t be supported in attempts to reject their biological identity. Sexual activity outside of marriage is a grave sin. The belief that all men and women will be saved regardless of how they live their lives is false and dangerous. In order to follow Jesus Christ all must willingly choose to take up their cross. “We must hold fast to these truths and be wary of any attempts to present an alternative to the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or to push for a faith that speaks of dialogue and brotherhood, while attempting to remove the fatherhood of God. (...) When we see
The opinions expressed herein are largely those of the blog author. Every effort is made to conform to Church teaching. Comments are welcome.
.jpg)
Comments
Post a Comment
Your comments will be appreciated and posted if 1) they are on topic and 2) preserve decorum.
Stand by your word. Do not be anonymous. Use a pseudonym.