Life In The Confession Line
- The Terpsichorean: can't sit still in the pew; shifts from being seated to kneeling to standing every couple of minutes.
- The Artful Dozer: half-asleep, leans against the wall or a neighbour; needs an occasional 'psst' to prompt him along.
- Mr. Fidget: weak bladder.
- The Chatterbox: attempts to engage others in small talk. You can almost bet she's gonna confess to gossipping.
- The Judge: whose penetrating gaze could cause a saint to wilt with guilt.
- The Timekeeper (aka The Tracker): her eyes are constantly on her watch timing each penitent in the box. Probably worked the clock during high school basketball games.
- The Narrator: rehearses his examination of conscience out loud.
- Mr. Scruples: you can practically see the sweat draining off his forehead.
- The Devotionalist: rigorously works the rosary beads, and whose whispering of prayers is almost as annoying as an ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response) video of someone slurping hot soup.
- The Revert: hasn't been to confession in a decade and needs reassurance that the priest isn't hard of hearing and won't shout back his sins.
- The Page Flipperer: Who knew a penance book or devotional booklet could sound like a deck of cards being shuffled?
- The Leap Frogger: aka, the Queue Jumper; elicits looks of strong disapproval from others.
- The Saint: the curtains are drawn (veil), the head is bowed, hands are held palms together at the breast, and she is wearing more sacramentals than you can count. You had better hope that she isn't ahead of you because anything you say will be fifty times worse than anything that she confesses.
- The Phonerer: is constantly on her phone, on social media, takes selfies while waiting, and is constantly primping herself (...to what end is anyone's guess... and, frankly, who cares?).
- The Pilgrim: waits in line on his knees, and shuffles along... on his knees (see #13).
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ST AUGUSTINE
The truth is like a lion; you don’t have to defend it. Let it loose; it will defend itself.
From EVENSONG 22 JAN Psalm 109 Deus, laudem
HOLD not thy tongue, O God of my praise : for the mouth of the ungodly, yea, the mouth of the deceitful is opened upon me. And they have spoken against me with false tongues : they compassed me about also with words of hatred, and fought against me without a cause. For the love that I had unto them, lo, they take now my contrary part : but I give myself unto prayer. Thus have they rewarded me evil for good : and hatred for my good will. Though they curse, yet bless thou : and let them be confounded that rise up against me; but let thy servant rejoice. Let mine adversaries be clothed with shame : and let them cover themselves with their own confusion, as with a cloke.
As for me, I will give great thanks unto the Lord with my mouth *
and praise him among the multitude.
For he shall stand at the right hand of the poor *
to save his soul from the unrighteous judges.
MARCUS AURELIUS
There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.
MARK TWAIN
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER
All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
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