21st Century Church Furnishings And Other Stuff With Limited Appeal
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| Thuriferobot Mark II |
Moderate strength is shown in violence, supreme strength is shown in levity.
Gilbert K. Chesterton
- Ben Hogan Golf-themed Altar Frontal: style and... comfort?
- AI Confessional: spontaneous and comprehensive composition of penances.
- Kevlar® Cotta (could come in handy in some countries).
- Memory Foam Padded Kneelers.
- La-Z-Boy® Celebrant's Reclinable Sedile.
- Plasma Processional Torches: good for illuminating the Gospel and for welding.
- There-And-Back-Again Floor Strip Lighting: to guide communicants to receive communion and then guide them back to their pews (see also: Communion Conveyor Belt).
- Autonomous Robotic Thurifer (A.R.T.): able to produce copious amounts of smoke and operates in extreme conditions (e.g., Los Angeles Religious Education Congress).
- Communion Conveyor Belt: for slow moving communicants to board.
- Heelys Acolyte Skate Shoes: for fleet-footed altar servers.
- Temperature Controlled Chasuble: for comfort all the livelong day.
- Spill-proof Chalice: for those less dexterous communicants with a drinking problem of sorts.
- Portable Credence Table: liturgical catering trolly. Motorized version includes Bluetooth® remote control.
- Altar Heads-up Display: renders hard copy missals a thing of the past; voice command operations for page turns and instant resizing of text to assist priests with vision needs.
- Vertical Retractable Altar Rail (VeRe AltRa): lowers flush into the floor for Novus Ordo liturgies, and rises and locks into position for 1962 Missal and Divine Worship liturgies.
- Self Adjusting Stole: guaranteed to never slip off the shoulders or feel tight around the midriff.
- Airborne Acolyte: a drone for delivering altar breads and wine, lavabo bowl, ewer and towel to the celebrant; multiple accessories include Sanctus bells, aspergillum and extendable paten.
- Mandible Lector: a holographic projection that can be programmed to look and sound like the saint-of-the-day.
- Touchless Holy Water Font: no more dipping; hold your fingers under the sensor to receive a quick splash (fun fact: someone constructed this device: https://www.bbroughton.com/product/ST/hwd/holy-water-touchless-automatic-d
- Hydraulic Adjustable Pews: change the floor-to-seat height to avoid leg cramping or adjust to help little ones get a better view of the sanctuary.
- Electric Virge: provides a convincing reminder to encourage conformity among those who attempt to jump the confession or communion queue.
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In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one dr...
TRUE PARTICIPATION IN THE MASS
"I was gathered into the offering of the Son to the Father. I participated in the self-offering of God today."
FEATURED SCRIPTURE | Revelation 22:12
Behold, I am coming soon, bringing my recompense, to repay every one for what he has done.
FEATURED QUOTE
The Church is that one wherein the true word of God is preached, which Christ left to His Apostles, which the same Church hath always observed, the doctors preached, and Martyrs and confessors witnessed. This is the Church I believe to be true. | Saint Margaret Clitherow, the Pearl of York
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