WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

I doubt not then but innocence shall make false accusation blush, and tyranny tremble at patience.

WORDS TO THE WHYS

The truth will make you odd. Flannery O’Connor

New Sacramentals (And Other Bling) For The Tech Savvy Catholic

-


The modern parishioner, eager to be the active participator in modern liturgies, has access to the latest supportive modern technology to support the modern liturgical activist to actively participate in the modern liturgy.

  1. Proboscis piercing. Never again lose your Miraculous medal or Saint Anthony medal. Suspend an object of choice from your schnozz.
  2. Prayed braid. Rosary hair extensions. Turn your hair braids into a rosary. Trendsetter!
  3. Holy water camel pack. Don't be without your personal reservoir of spiritual protection. When Mormons or JWs visit, simply turn the spigot to adjust the flow of water as you shake their hands.
  4. Shoe Song. As you walk, a melody is played from technology embedded in your shoes. The tune changes to match the pace of your step. Comes with "Just a Closer Walk with Thee" and "Tis so sweet to walk with Jesus". Use the app to download additional tunes. Shoe Song De-Lux: light your way with this awesome LED upgrade. Liturgical colors: red, gold, white, green, violet, and Marian blue.
  5. QLED quantum dot display capacitive touch chapel veil. Change the colour of the veil with a simple touch of the corner. The veil converts body heat into electricity to power the veil. Colors range from white to ivory to light copper to black. Hold the corner of the veil for two seconds and the veil will continuously shift through all colours.
  6. Self adjusting non-slip scapular. Made from the finest non-itchy material, the latest in wearable art. Tap the fabric square and the device automatically adjusts to the desired length. Tap twice to loosen the cord. Tension sensor mitigates any danger of accidental strangulation.
  7. Incense drone. Deliver the smoke wherever and whenever the need arises. Drones can be linked for multiple aerial configurations for incense-sational liturgies. 20 minutes continuous hover.
  8. Telescoping virge. The wand of choice for the modern verger. Easy storage. Doubles as an auxiliary antenna for a personal communication device, e.g., CB radio. The hydraulic virge is silently extended by pushing a button on the base of the virge. Refillable gas cylinder. To retract, double-click the button. Upgrade to the voice activated and LED-tipped model.\
  9. Face filter incense scrubber. For those who cannot tolerate the sweet savour of incense, the latest in assisted breathing wear allows the wearer to respirate freely. It also helps wearers tolerate bad breath or pungent body odour. This product is designed to fit any face shape and is also easy to clean.
  10. Altar rail communion chin rest. To ensure uniform distribution of communicants to preserve personal space, and to minimize desecration, the latest in communion fixtures evenly spaced along an altar rail onto which adult communicants can rest their chins. Adjustable to a child's height.

Comments

  1. Anonymous15 July 2025 at 17:58

    I don't think it's appropriate for that photo to appear with your blog post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15 July 2025 at 23:04

      You may very well be correct. Would you care to elaborate? (Bear in mind, the post is - in part - meant to challenge misguided understandings and misuse of sacramentals.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Your comments will be appreciated and posted if 1) they are on topic and 2) preserve decorum.

Stand by your word.

Popular Posts

14 Top Sites

-
Image
The following sites are selected from among numerous edifying internet resources that are accessible, faithful to Catholic teaching, fair-minded, up-to-date, and well-organized. Big Pulpit: intelligent news aggregator that presents links to current events and solid Catholic teaching. Consider supporting the work of Little Vatican/Big Pulpit. https://bigpulpit.com/ The Catholic Thing: features brief but highly informative and well-written essays by eminent authors. https://www.thecatholicthing.org/ Brian Holdsworth: Edmonton based marketing and communications expert and apologist who publishes well-informed videos on current issues that are solidly Catholic and highly engaging. https://www.brianholdsworth.ca/ Father Benedict Kiely | Gospel Nuggets offers excellent short videos featuring a knowledgeable Catholic priest’s take on biblical texts, pressing current issues, the saints, and key spiritual topics essential for living the Catholic Faith. https://www.nasarean.org/news?tag_id=17 Fr...
Read more

Through Thick and Thin: Surfing The Wake Of The Council

-
Image
Team Thick versus Team Thin On 4 December 1963, following the last vote at the Second Vatican Council, Paul VI promulgated the Apostolic Constitution Sacrosanctum Concilium on the Sacred Liturgy. Later, with the Apostolic Letter Motu proprio data Sacram Liturgiam dated 25 January 1964, Pope St. Paul VI established a Special Commission, called Consilium ad exsequendam Constitutionem de sacra Liturgia (Council for the Implementation of the Constitution on the Sacred Liturgy). https://www.cultodivino.va/en/chi-siamo/storia/il-consilium-ad-exsequendam-constitutionem-de-sacra-liturgia.html The Consilium consisted of 48 members (11 Cardinals, 36 Bishops and 1 Abbot) and more than 200 international consultors and advisors, spread across 40 study groups (coetus a studiis). The internal debates within the Consilium ad exsequendam Constitutionem de Sacra Liturgia were intense, often revealing two competing visions of liturgical reform. Primary Axes of Disagreement 1. Continuity vs. Reconstructi...
Read more

Preacher Man | Ordinariate Gift

-
Image
preach  (v.) - from www.etymonline.com Middle English prechen , "deliver a sermon, proclaim the Gospel," from late Old English predician , a loan word from Church Latin; reborrowed 12c. as preachen , from Old French preechier "to preach, give a sermon" (11c., Modern French précher ), from Late Latin praedicare "to proclaim publicly, announce" (in Medieval Latin "to preach," source also of Spanish predicar ), from Latin prae "before" (from PIE root * per - "forward," hence "in front of, before") + dicare "to proclaim, to say" (from PIE root * deik - "to show," also "pronounce solemnly"). Meaning "give earnest advice, especially on moral subjects" is by 1520s. To preach to the converted is recorded from 1867 (the form preach to the choir attested from 1979). The Role of Preaching in the Church The Catechism explains that preaching is central to the Church’s mission of sharing t...
Read more

The Language Of Sacrifice In The Offertory of Divine Worship

-
Image
Mass - Bloodless Synonym for Christ's Eternal Sacrifice for the Salvation of Souls The first offertory prayer of Divine Worship discloses the sacrifice of the Mass as an act in which Christ’s once‑for‑all oblation is made present and lovingly offered to the Father through the Church’s hands. Its language emphasizes that the gifts set upon the altar—“holy bread” and “chalice of salvation”—are not merely symbolic tokens but the very matter through which the faithful join themselves to Christ’s self‑giving. The prayer frames the offering as both propitiatory and participatory: propitiatory, because it looks to the Cross as the singular source of reconciliation; participatory, because the faithful unite their intentions, labours, and lives to Christ’s perfect sacrifice. This offertory thus reveals the Mass as a living movement of ascent, in which earthly gifts are taken up into the heavenly worship. It also underscores the priest’s mediating role, asking that the sacrifice be accepted ...
Read more

Newman's Doctrinal Development and the Collapse of False Binaries

-
Image
The Church’s struggle to preserve authenticity often intensifies in particular eras, and in recent decades has surfaced as a tension between so‑called “progressives” and “conservatives.” These labels, borrowed from secular political discourse, obscure the deeper question Newman identified: whether a given proposal represents a genuine development of doctrine or a corruption of it. Political categories shed little light on this discernment, for authentic development preserves the type, principles, and living continuity of the Faith, while corruption either breaks from the apostolic deposit or refuses the Spirit’s ongoing deepening of it. When debate is framed in partisan terms, each camp is tempted to caricature the other, seeking adherents through opposition rather than through the careful, Spirit‑guided evaluation Newman saw as essential to the Church’s growth in understanding. Both the “trad” and “rad” orientations remain firmly entrenched in a polarizing debate, fueled by stereotype...
Read more

The Gloria Of The Mass: Liturgical Map Of Salvation.

-
Image
The architecture of the Gloria  is not accidental; it is a liturgical map of the entire economy of salvation, sung in miniature. Its movement is not merely poetic but theological—beginning in heaven, descending into the world, passing through the saving work of Christ, and rising again into the Trinitarian glory from which all things come.  Below is an outline of that movement, illustrating how each section reflects a unique “moment” within the divine economy. 1. Heavenly Revelation — Salvation begins from above “Glory be to God on high, and on earth peace, good will towards men” The Gloria opens not with human initiative but with the angelic hymn of Bethlehem. This signals that salvation is revealed, not discovered. Grace descends; humanity receives. The angels proclaim God’s glory. Peace is announced to the earth. God’s goodwill toward humanity is declared. This is the Incarnational moment: heaven bends low, and the Gloria begins where the Gospel begins—God speaking first. 2...
Read more

POPE LEO XIV Magnifica Humanitas

Even in the darkest nights, the Lord raises up men and women who refuse to give up, who persevere in doing good, who protect the vulnerable and open pathways to reconciliation. The memory of the saints, righteous people and the oft-forgotten peacemakers, show us that grace does not magically eliminate conflict, but instead it inspires active resistance to evil and an astonishing creativity in doing good” (paragraph 211).