New Sacramentals (And Other Bling) For The Tech Savvy Catholic
The modern parishioner, eager to be the active participator in modern liturgies, has access to the latest supportive modern technology to support the modern liturgical activist to actively participate in the modern liturgy.
- Proboscis piercing. Never again lose your Miraculous medal or Saint Anthony medal. Suspend an object of choice from your schnozz.
- Prayed braid. Rosary hair extensions. Turn your hair braids into a rosary. Trendsetter!
- Holy water camel pack. Don't be without your personal reservoir of spiritual protection. When Mormons or JWs visit, simply turn the spigot to adjust the flow of water as you shake their hands.
- Shoe Song. As you walk, a melody is played from technology embedded in your shoes. The tune changes to match the pace of your step. Comes with "Just a Closer Walk with Thee" and "Tis so sweet to walk with Jesus". Use the app to download additional tunes. Shoe Song De-Lux: light your way with this awesome LED upgrade. Liturgical colors: red, gold, white, green, violet, and Marian blue.
- QLED quantum dot display capacitive touch chapel veil. Change the colour of the veil with a simple touch of the corner. The veil converts body heat into electricity to power the veil. Colors range from white to ivory to light copper to black. Hold the corner of the veil for two seconds and the veil will continuously shift through all colours.
- Self adjusting non-slip scapular. Made from the finest non-itchy material, the latest in wearable art. Tap the fabric square and the device automatically adjusts to the desired length. Tap twice to loosen the cord. Tension sensor mitigates any danger of accidental strangulation.
- Incense drone. Deliver the smoke wherever and whenever the need arises. Drones can be linked for multiple aerial configurations for incense-sational liturgies. 20 minutes continuous hover.
- Telescoping virge. The wand of choice for the modern verger. Easy storage. Doubles as an auxiliary antenna for a personal communication device, e.g., CB radio. The hydraulic virge is silently extended by pushing a button on the base of the virge. Refillable gas cylinder. To retract, double-click the button. Upgrade to the voice activated and LED-tipped model.\
- Face filter incense scrubber. For those who cannot tolerate the sweet savour of incense, the latest in assisted breathing wear allows the wearer to respirate freely. It also helps wearers tolerate bad breath or pungent body odour. This product is designed to fit any face shape and is also easy to clean.
- Altar rail communion chin rest. To ensure uniform distribution of communicants to preserve personal space, and to minimize desecration, the latest in communion fixtures evenly spaced along an altar rail onto which adult communicants can rest their chins. Adjustable to a child's height.
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Cantius/NLM [ 4 min read ] Some communicants make things interesting (...tricky, delicate, awkward, awesome...) at The Communion. Now don't get the wrong idea. Spoofing one's brothers' and sisters' behaviour is not meant to be proof of one's own moral or spiritual superiority. There's always a need to keep in mind the heart of another when lampooning (or celebrating) the externals, as curious or as laudable as those externals might be. The Moving Target: either the head or the tongue is moving a mile a minute. A good patener knows how to tame the fidget. See also #18: The Rubberneck. The Obstacle Course: fingertips touching the chin or mouth making it difficult for the patener to place the paten beneath the chin. The Curtain: face is completely covered with a veil. The NOFB (Not Open For Business): closed eyes, closed mouth; despite the need for a gentle prompt, typically a deeply reverent person. The Taker: wants to steal the Host from the priest. Note to commu...
... you rarely (if ever) hear the following phrases. "Party like it's A.D. 1570!" "We should sing more plainchant at this parish." "I'd like to thank the choir for their sublime rendition of the Mass For Five Voices by William Byrd." "I just love the way the four torchbearers process in with such dignity." "People treat the Host like a snack. I think it's time we went back to communion on the tongue." "My entire family goes to Confession every week." "We need a central Tabernacle on the altar." "The altar servers' lace cottas are so beautiful." "I just love Father Steve's sermons about the Real Presence and living a Eucharistic life." "People are leaving in droves for Saint Pius X Parish and the reverent Mass there. Do you think we're doing something wrong here at Harvey Milk Parish?" "I'm thrilled that the design for the new church includes a choir loft....
Two copies of the St. Gregory's Prayer Book (SGPB) arrived a few days ago. It is a lovely work replete with beautiful devotions drawn from the English Patrimony. Both Ordinariate and diocesan Catholics would do well to acquire a copy to access its riches. The SGPB is "a collaborative venture" of the three personal ordinariates and the Anglicanorum Coetibus Society . A blurb from the Ignatius Press site where one can go to purchase copies: https://www.ignatius.com/St-Gregorys-Prayer-Book-P3228.aspx The St Gregory's Prayer Book is a beautifully produced leatherette prayer book compiled by the Ordinariates established by Pope Benedict XVI and drawing on the riches of the Anglican liturgical heritage and the exquisite Cranmerian language of the Book of Common Prayer to further enrich the panoply of Catholic liturgy and devotion. The text includes ancient English collects, introits and hymns available together for the first time for the whole Church...
In a movie theatre, you genuflect before entering the aisle to take a seat. Riding a bus, sitting in class or at the doctor's office, and/or when watching TV, you rest your hands palms down on your thighs, finger tips at your knees. You can identify each and every variety of incense used in the Mass simply by its scent. You habitually wear black socks and black dress shoes... even when wearing shorts for gym class or at the beach. You turn a perfect right angle when entering a building. You have nightmares about serving Mass at the Los Angeles Religious Education Congress. You hear a bicycle bell ring and you drop to your knees. You can't resist the urge to lift a curtain from the bottom. You have a copy of Ceremonies of the Roman Rite Described by Adrian Fortescue on your smartphone for recreational reading. You have a copy of Ritual Notes (11th Edition) on your smartphone for recreational reading. As a torchbearer, you can carry a processional candle without spilling one dr...
The Ordinariate: Diocese of Unity The call to the beauty and goodness of the Ordinariate Catholic experience is the rather obvious invitation offered to all - the invitation of Christ. That is, to 'come and see' (St. John 1:39-41). Let's start with a poke in the eye of the idol of ecumenism, or a jab in the eye of some facsimile of the call to unity to the followers of Jesus Christ. Mr. Joseph Pearce wrote at the NCRegister that (o)nce we understand the new-fangled word ecumenism for the relativist and modernist thing that it is, we will see it as nothing less than the abandonment of the Faith in favor of the false gods of fashion. And once we see the thing for what it is, we will respond to the falsehoods of ecumenism with ecumenical truth. In this sense, we can see that being ecumenical is being evangelical, whereas ecumenism is the failure to evangelize. And in this sense, we can see and say that being truly ecumenical is to substitute ecumenism for you-come-in-ism. Mr. ...
Chair of Saint Peter, Instituted Acolytes, Class of 2017 In the Manual for the Instituted Acolyte & The Exercise of the Subdiaconal Ministry according to Divine Worship: The Missal, operative in the Personal Ordinariate of the Chair of St. Peter, His Excellency Bishop Steven Lopes provides a letter of introduction that begins: In his 1972 Motu Proprio entitled Ministeria Quaedum, Pope Paul VI reformed the so-called "minor orders" in the Church, the steps which would precede ordination to the diaconate and priesthood, In doing so, he recalls that certain ministries were established by the Church for the service of the People of God and as an assistance to to offering due worship to Almighty God. In this reform, the Holy Father restored these ministries to the faithful, uncoupling them from the preparation of men for the sacred priesthood. Pope Paul suppressed the office of subdeacon and other minor orders , though the ministry and service once reserved to s...
JAMES 4: 13-17
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and get gain”; whereas you do not know about tomorrow. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we shall live and we shall do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. Whoever knows what is right to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.
PSALM 54
Behold, God is my helper : the Lord is with them that uphold my soul.
ST THÉRÈSE OF LISIEUX
Let us not grow tired of prayer: confidence works miracles.
THOMAS SOWELL
It is amazing how many people think that they can answer an argument by attributing bad motives to those who disagree with them. Using this kind of reasoning, you can believe or not believe anything about anything, without having to bother to deal with facts or logic.
MARCUS AURELIUS
There is but one thing of real value - to cultivate truth and justice, and to live without anger in the midst of lying and unjust men.
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I don't think it's appropriate for that photo to appear with your blog post.
ReplyDeleteYou may very well be correct. Would you care to elaborate? (Bear in mind, the post is - in part - meant to challenge misguided understandings and misuse of sacramentals.
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